Beginner’s Mind in All Your Human Interactions
“Most of us live inside accumulated conclusions. We assume we know who a person is because of what they did yesterday. We predict how a conversation will unfold because of how similar conversations have gone before. Our history rushes in to interpret the present before the present has fully arrived. In doing so, we mistake recognition for understanding. Beginner’s mind interrupts this reflex.”
As I read these words from Zen teacher Dianne Hamilton (https://www.dianemushohamilton.com) I immediately thought of a coach who, when this Beginner’s Mind is lacking, has slipped out of the true spirit of coaching.
Learning and Beginner’s Mind
I had always thought of Beginner’s Mind as being relevant to learning: the importance of being open to new learning and not letting previously accumulated knowledge get in the way. Beginner’s Mind has origins in the concept of Shoshin from Zen Buddhism. “It refers to having an attitude of openness, eagerness, and lack of preconceptions when studying, even at an advanced level, just as a beginner would.” “The practice of shoshin acts as a counter to the hubris and closed-mindedness often associated with thinking of oneself as an expert”. (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shoshin)
I have long taught the Zen parable of the empty cup. Here is a variation on that story.
The Zen Story: The Empty Cup 
A learned professor once visited a famous Zen master to learn about enlightenment. The professor spoke endlessly about his theories, quoting scholars and scriptures. The master listened patiently and invited him for tea.
As the master poured, the cup filled to the brim — yet he continued pouring. Tea spilled onto the table, then onto the floor.
Unable to contain himself, the professor exclaimed,
“Stop! The cup is full — no more will go in!”
The master smiled gently and said,
“Like this cup, you are full of your own opinions and ideas. How can I show you Zen unless you first empty your cup?”
The story ends there — in stillness — inviting us to look inward. The overflowing cup is not just tea; it is our ego, our assumptions, our overthinking minds.
Beginner’s Mind in All Human Interactions Including Coaching
Moment by moment in our human interactions the challenge of staying in the present abides. Our big brain rushes beyond observation and listening to reach for other possibilities for what will be said next, what will happen next, as Hamilton points out, based upon our experience of the past.
For the coach this may start innocently enough when they scan their notes from a previous session as they prepare for an upcoming client session. While this is a good practice, the challenge is to keep from planting expectations in our mind that keep us from being fully present with our client once the session begins. Our client may not want to start where they left off the last time we spoke together. Since our last appointment our client’s world may have turned upside down, or not.
This is where Beginner’s Mind is very useful. As Hamilton puts it “It invites us to meet each moment without the burden of certainty. Not to erase experience, but to hold it lightly. To listen before deciding.”
As coaches we are working with clients to help them be successful with the Wellness Plan that they have developed. We will be helping them succeed at improving areas of their life and achieving goals through following through on various action steps. So, certainly health and wellness coaching is not just about an experiential encounter in the here and now where the only structure is what the client wants to talk about in this moment. Yet, in the midst of the structure and behavioral change methodology, we follow what the client is or is not aware of, how they feel about what they are doing, what they are thinking about this whole coaching effort. Our client’s thoughts, emotions and feelings can support growth and change or they can inhibit it. Yes, our client has goals, but what about their motivation to attain them? What about the internal barriers that emerge?
This is where the here and now experience of our client is what we need, as coaches, to be bringing our attention to. If we can bring the Beginner’s Mind to each moment we have the increased ability to be aware of our client’s present experience and know it more accurately. With that awareness we can interact, that is coach, with our client to increase their own awareness of themselves and learn and grow. In that present moment of our own awareness we notice what we are experiencing and how it affects the coaching interaction and the coaching relationship.
Beginner’s Mind is the Essence of Coaching Presence
The ICF definition of coaching presence is the ability of a coach to be fully conscious and present with the client, employing a style that is open, flexible, grounded, and confident. In order to be fully conscious and present with the client we need to be centered in the present moment and relate to our client without judgement or expectations.
I’ve often described coaching presence as the ability to provide
- Empathic Understanding
- Unconditional Positive Regard
- Warmth and
- Genuiness
In other words this is what Carl Rogers called The Facilitative Conditions of Therapy and what I’m happy to call The Facilitative Conditions of Coaching.
Think about it. In order to experience and convey empathy we need to be in synchronization with our clients on a deeper level. We need to be meeting them with unconditional positive regard that is totally free of judgement and not influenced by our own expectations for what we believe our client needs to be doing. That synchronization is achieved when we are tuning in to not just what the client is saying but HOW they are saying it on all levels of communication.
Story, Chapter and Verse
So the coach’s challenge is to simultaneously hold connection of three levels:
- The Global View or Meta View– Keeping in mind your clients big picture.This is what your client wants to achieve in order to improve their wellness. This is about helping your client to intentionally re-write their life story.
- The Adventure of The Day– Listening and responding to coach your client around what they are working on today for this chapter in their life.
- The Experience of The Moment– Being in synchronous presence with our client to be aware, as best we can, with what our client is experiencing as they interact with us and then responding in ways that bring their attention to that experience.
Perhaps the greatest challenge is the simultaneity of these three levels. They are not steps to take; they are all happening at once and perhaps this is where holding the mindset of the Beginner’s Mind can be most advantageous.
Beyond Coaching
Think what life could be like if we could even approximate Beginner’s Mind in all of our human interactions. Imagine meeting a friend for a cup of tea, or whatever, and having no expectations, setting aside all that we know about that person, all that they were in the past and meeting them so in the present moment that we get the joy of experiencing them even more fully. We connect not with what they were but with who they are, right here, right now. Who knows what we both may discover.
Let me leave you with what I think are these profound words by Diane Hamilton:
“Each encounter, each breath, each exchange carries more potential than our habits allow us to see. When we approach life as if it is still unfolding — because it is — we make space for insight, for connection, and for genuine responsiveness.
Beginner’s mind is less a technique than a stance. A quiet willingness to admit that this moment may be richer, more complex, and more alive than our assumptions suggest.”
Michael Arloski, Ph.D., PCC, NBC-HWC is CEO and Founder of Real Balance Health Coach Training (https://realbalance.com/). Doctor Arloski is a psychologist, coach and pioneering architect of the field of health and wellness coaching. He and his company have trained thousands of coaches around the world.
Only registered and logged in readers can leave comments.